”Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives”
Unless we believe in, respect & love ourselves how can we expect anyone else to?
When we better understand this we become ever closer to finding our authentic self but for some the road to self discovery and the realisation that not only are we worthy of our place in this world but that we do matter can at times be a long and difficult one with a price which very often we aren’t prepared to pay.
The mere thought of the consequences of our actions along the way being enough to stop us dead in our tracks, such is the fear of upsetting or even losing those we love for fear of being deemed selfish!
So what on earth causes us to lose sight of the fact that we actually DO matter?
The majority of us I’m fairly certain will have been told countless times by those close to us; parents, spouses, friends and so on things like…….. ”Stop being so selfish” or ”The world doesn’t revolve around you, you know”. In all honesty I’m also equally certain that these things and others like them will have been said largely in a genuine effort to make us realise that there were other people to consider at that time and let’s face it……..no matter what the situation there is always a bigger picture to consider.
However subconsciously (and moreover if we’re the sort who actually do care and give a damn) when we’re hearing this type of thing historically and consistently on whatever level and regardless of either intent or source then slowly but surely the seeds of wanting to ”people please” begin to take root. We start to think before we do or say things for fear of upsetting others or God forbid being deemed selfish. We start to second guess the reactions of others if we say something we ”think” might come across as unfair.We slowly but surely and almost certainly (initially anyway) subconsciously start to convince ourselves that ”it doesn’t matter” if our opinions aren’t taken on board, if we leave what we want/need to do till another day, which almost never comes.
……..IF? IF? IF? ………..
At this point although we are completely unaware of it we have placed ourselves very firmly at the back of the metaphorical queue in our minds when it comes to our own needs, feelings or emotions because we have come to believe that they and we don’t matter when it comes down to not only looking after but actually validating ourselves in any way.
Quite simply our need to not only people please but be validated by others becomes the yardstick by which we measure our own self-worth.
We mistakenly start to think that by being all things to all men we will be loved and appreciated all the more for our efforts. In reality what tends to happen is the exact opposite because the more we give, the more we do then the more others will not only allow us to but will come to expect from us. When on occasion we can’t for whatever reason we find ourselves unwittingly deemed lacking in some way. In essence it’s a very short step to the polar opposite of nothing we do is ever enough!
The crushing fear of being labelled ” not good enough” or ”selfish beyond belief” robs us of our sense of well-being, of our self-esteem of our sense of self-worth and of our confidence to stand up for ourself. Something inside us becomes broken and before we know it we are completely lost.
Piecing together the jigsaw that is our broken self takes courage
However without doubt it should always start with loving ourselves because we are worth it!
The power to change be it the world, our circumstances, our future or ourselves starts with us. It all starts with us because we are the architects of our own lives. We must become mindful of the fact that we are the only ones who are responsible for us if we want to see any positive changes in ways which will not only alter how we see ourselves but how others do too.
In order for any of this to happen we more often than not have to unlearn everything which we have previously come to know. We have to accept that we are a work in progress and that it is not only ok it is more than good enough. Having to reclaim that which we have inadvertently lost……the absolute right to be who or what we want to be…….is a big ask of anyone, let alone those of us who over time have seen the very fabric of who we really are eroded away to the point that we’re actually unsure who we were in the first place!
Having discounted our needs, wants, feelings and emotions for so long it has become a foreign concept to us to not only validate ourselves but to need and expect those previously unwilling or unable, to do so as well. It is at this point we have to face perhaps for the first time the fear that others will and do choose not to come along our journey with us from hereon in and we need to accept the fact that in making this choice they are saying more about themselves than they ever did about us. As upsetting as we may find this, when we remain resolute (as we should) in our intentions to validate ourselves going forward, then our journey for a while at least becomes harder.
In doing what we have to do in order to get to where we want to be, we slowly, but will nevertheless come to love ourselves for who we are, we will become comfortable in our own skin and be grateful to be so.
Up to this point we have lost sight of many things, but the courage we have gained in facing up to the challenges and adversity which we have along the way and the resultant rise in our self-esteem as we rediscover our authentic self has come to help us really understand that self-love and self-care are truly very different from being selfish.
The sudden revelation that our thoughts are the most powerful ability we possess and that we not only have the power to be who and what we want to be but it be liberating in the extreme serves to further increase the sense of well-being and peace which settles over us.
On the most basic of levels then, when we accept that we cannot (nor is it practical) to be everything to everyone all the time because in being human we are not perfect then we have started to turn our negative self-talk around.
Having done this we can finally afford ourselves the love and respect which we most definitely deserve but previously we hadn’t.
In being accepting of our shortcomings and imperfections. In caring for, respecting and loving ourselves then we become increasingly touched how much and how quickly others follow suit. We become surprised that people really do love us just the way we are.
We would do well to remember that……How things start. How they finish. Is our responsibility
When we believe in, respect and love ourselves then others will too.
So if you validate just one thing today let it be yourself because after all
It All Starts With You!