Many Congratulations Cath …Happily reblogged to Living Life From the Inside Out
As you journey through this amazing life you will experience amazing highs, devastating lows & everything in between, on every conceivable level.
This is both natural & normal
It’s part of who you are destined to become on your journey along the circular road of life but as you do so make sure you live mindfully in each moment because once it has passed that’s it, it’s gone, forever
The past has only the power over us which we choose to give it
Remember life is no than a story made up of an untold myriad of these moments which, are no sooner here than they are gone, never to be able to be relived except in memory, you owe it to the person you will become to be able to remember each one in such a way that you recall it making your heart sing with joy…for you, as are we all, were born to be a joyful soul.
Make each & everyone count as if it were your last, because? One day it will be
Everyone we meet is a teacher
You will meet people from all walks and stations of life. Some rich. Some poor. Some educated. Others illiterate. You will come to know businessmen and cleaners, doctors and warehousemen, lawyers and sales assistants, rich men, poor men, beggars and (sadly) thieves.
Yet through these wonderfully diverse, unique souls you will come to know…yourself.
You won’t realize it for the longest of times but each & every soul whose path you cross or indeed who cross yours will come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime and without exception they will do so because they have something to teach you & often about yourself
There will be times you rail against this because it will be so much easier (and safer) to remain where you will not be challenged either by yourself or others…inside & behind the very skillfully created facade of your comfort zone.
Whenever you feel the need to retreat to that place of safety always remember that in everything, when we live, truly live through it, then we grow because growth is always on the other side of fear
The path of least resistance is not always the easiest route
Regardless of who you meet along life’s highway, should you ever have to choose between being kind, or right? Be kind and in that way, you will be right every time.
There are some you will meet who will treat you with scorn and derision, they will frown upon you & most certainly they will look down on you. Treat them well for they are living a reality about which you know nothing. Treat them as you would treat yourself & should you ever find yourself mirroring their behavior and find yourself looking down on them as they, once did you? Let it be only to lift them higher, for the path of least resistance is not always the most obvious of answers
Always look for the lesson
For every person, you meet or situation you find yourself in, be sure to look for the lesson, always look for the lesson because it is there
To miss it will surely cost you dearly, whereas to see it will take you ever closer to where you are meant to be and the sooner you get there, then the more time you will have at your disposal to do the amazing things you will otherwise come to do in the autumn of your life instead of the spring. When things go wrong as they surely will, always try and remind yourself that we are not defined by what happens to us, but how we deal with it.
The power to control your life is yours alone
If you are tempted to give in or give up when life gets hard and it will get hard, think of all the untold number of people whose lives may never be touched by the message you must share if you give away the power that is rightfully yours
Always be true to yourself, learn to live your authentic truth with both purpose and passion, in your own way and on your own terms. Others will expect you to dance to their tune as they try to turn your mind to the way they think you should live the life that is yours, not theirs, to live
There will be times you do not feel strong enough to resist the pull of their manipulation and there will for sure be times that you come to doubt the very reason for your existence as you as you come to fear being exposed for what others think you are: an imposter, a fraud – EXCEPT of course you aren’t!
At times like this remember above all else that
The opinions of others are simply that – Opinions!
Whoever and whatever you are in this life, YOUR life, it’s enough!
Should others think otherwise that’s fine but remember that their opinions are always just that on both counts. They are opinions (not facts) and they are theirs, which means they are neither your business or your problem.
Acknowledge them if you must but leave them where they belong, in the minds of those who are so busy trying to live your life for you that they have forgotten they have a life of their own to live!
Gratitude is the key
As each day ends, be grateful for the time you have had and look to tomorrow with a renewed sense of optimism & the promise of fresh hope because no matter how you may feel at the time? There is always, always hope
Be grateful for the dawn of each day and mindful of the fact that on this day you are the youngest you will ever be and in return commit to taking the persistent positive action you need to enable you to find the courage to be who really are and live the life of the person you were meant to be before the world told you who you should become
Believe in yourself
Understand that self-care and self-love are necessary acts compassion and kindness both to and for yourself and regardless of what anyone thinks (including perhaps yourself) they are far from selfish. Without fail validate and honour yourself daily. Accept that you were born to be imperfectly perfect and as such treat yourself as you would both treat others and have them treat you
No matter what and regardless of anything know this. The person you see in the mirror today is the sum of everything that has ever happened to you
The good. The bad. The indifferent
The person you have become along the way is the person you were meant to be for now but remember that everything is temporary and should you choose going forward to change anything then that’s also ok because yesterday, today and tomorrow…
Whoever and whatever you are in this life from the day you arrive on this planet until the day you are no more – YOU ARE ENOUGH!
Sue Curr is a Writer, Speaker and Empowerment Coach specializing in mental health awareness, addiction and recovery and regularly shares her own personal journey in order that others will find the strength they need to develop the courage to be who they really are
I Can’t Do This! Yes You Can!
Some people want it to happen, some people wish it would happen, some people make it happen – Michael Jordan
We have to believe that we will!
Against all the odds and despite all the obstacles that we may face, we have to believe that we are going to make it, otherwise what would be the point?
The choice to do so together with the inherent power we have which allows us to make it to wherever we need or want to be in life is ours alone
It could be that we want to make a lifestyle change or rise above historic emotional issues. It could be that we know deep down that we are stuck in a situation which has long since served to be of any positive use to us that we want to be free from
Whether the place we need to get to is physical, emotional, or that of a shift in mind set it is almost irrelevant because if we’ve reached the point where we are questioning ourselves as to whether or not we will make it then we know deep down that the time has come for a change and more importantly a change for the better
If we are determined enough we’ll get to where we need to be
Yet sadly the need to change means little unless we actively want to do something about it and therein lies the crux of the matter.
At times of crisis or indecision the paths of need and want are simultaneously intertwined and yet are also polar opposites. In simple terms when we need a glass of water it’s usually because we are thirsty and yet when we want a glass of water it’s also usually because we are thirsty!
Doesn’t that mean the same thing?
No! If we need something it’s essential in the great scheme of things
But when we want something it’s an object of desire, something that would be nice to have but it wouldn’t matter if we didn’t get it
‘Making It’ is influenced by the power we have to choose what we want in life
It’s when we couple it with an actual need to do so that the chances of actually achieving it become much improved
How can I possibly ‘make it’ when I’m gripped by mental ill health?
Well the short answer is that anything is possible. When we not only want to do it but believe that we can (and that includes our mental health) then we can take the responsibility to choose to be proactive in the way we approach it, for instance…
On September 26th this year it will be five years since I was admitted as an emergency to hospital. It will be a day I not only thought, but was told I would never see and yet here I am!
I tell you this for no other reason than to define how powerful the combination of need and want are as we strive to ‘MAKE IT’ in life hopefully you’ll see what I mean;
For the majority of my adult life I’ve battled with varying forms of mental ill health but very late in the day (I was in my late 30’s at the time) it was confirmed that I had a pretty disastrous combination of anxiety based issues, Psychosis and Bi-Polar Disorder for starters but despite struggling to both cope and accept my lot (denial can be very persuasive) I finally began to not only address the situation but take responsibility for it as I commenced a long and lonely journey through the battlefield that is Mental Ill Health.
One which very nearly saw me lose my life!
The finer details for the under laying reasons (reasons as opposed to excuses) are for another time, but suffice to say that in the course of my denial I frequently refused the help, be it medical intervention, or otherwise that I so desperately needed. I started to self medicate with my drug of choice, that of alcohol and not unsurprisingly over time my problem drinking morphed into alcoholism. It was the biggest open secret around except that the only person who didn’t know or rather refused to accept it was – ME!
Let me take you back in time!
Because frankly we can only ever connect the dots by looking backward!
So on September 26th, 2012 I’m in my Doctors office for the blood test results I’d been waiting for. At 52 I’m obese, bloated, jaundiced, have delirium tremors and am taking 17 different prescriptions daily which include 44 tablets for everything from depression to acid reflux and high cholesterol.
I WAS A MESS!
The Doctors face is grave but she cuts straight to the chase.
”Susan I’m calling an ambulance right now, your liver is failing”
I actually laughed (even at that point I was still in denial) and she proceeded to do just that.
The last thing I remember is being put into a hospital bed and my husband tearfully giving the medical team my details. I woke up 5 days later with absolutely no recollection of what had just happened to me!!!
In short, I had spent the previous 15 years subconsciously trying to drink myself to death largely because I couldn’t accept or cope with either the under laying cause of my illness or my subsequent behaviour and being brutally honest neither had I wanted to because the thought of making it anywhere, let alone to the other side of my mental ill health issues or anything else for that matter just wasn’t on my radar.
That is until I came round and I was visited by my Consultant who told me point blank without ceremony that ‘I would be lucky to have 5 years left to live and although he hoped I’d walk out of there on my own two feet, he didn’t actually think I would be going home’!
The bottom fell out of my world that day!
But in the split second it took for me to register what had been said I instantly knew that it was the catalyst I needed to help me ‘MAKE IT’.
Being faced with my own mortality had in a split second forced me to accept the fact I had been denying for so long – I was an alcoholic – and that if I was going to make it; physically, emotionally and mentally I not only needed to, I had to want to more than anything else and that included being anywhere near the demon drink!
The point behind all this is that whatever the circumstances causing you to feel as though you need to make it are – YOU HAVE TO WANT TO DO IT!
When our should becomes our must things finally begin to change!
My need to make it through to the other side of both my mental ill health issues and my alcoholism turned around in an instant because my desire to live became stronger than the need for that which I had taken solace in to mask my emotional and mental anguish!
We face many battles to get to where we want or need to be in our lives, many of them the result of external influences but we also have to take responsibility for the part we play in things.
It’s so much easier to hide behind the facade of blaming someone or something for the situations we find ourselves in and that’s where, certainly in my case the downward spiral begins.
Be it the opinions and actions of others bringing pressure to bear whilst trying to mold us into something which we aren’t or the historical feelings of guilt, inadequacy and low self-esteem we experience borne on the back of things said or done. The point is they all lead us to feel as though we’re lacking in some way. Unworthy. Not good enough.
They are learned behaviour patterns which can and do impact massively on everything in our lives. Relationships. Careers. Mental as well as physical health and it is the struggle which we have with every single aspect of this which ultimately leads us to want to make it
What we lose sight of, if we ever had it to lose in the first place, is that with a little courage and determination on our part we have both the power and the choice to change things for the better. If we’re lucky – I truly was – we have the support of our loved ones along the way. The bottom line is it’s our responsibility to do what we have to do, in order that we can get where we want or need to be.
How do we do this?
Find a starting point, your catalyst, the thing which will finally galvanise you into action and then understand that you have to unlearn everything that has gone before.
We have to accept that we cannot change the past but in order for us to change we must forgive it. Let it go. Move on. This becomes so much easier when we consciously decide to act based on the combined need and desire to move forward.
When we sow the seeds of change within ourselves then the hard work can begin
Having forgiven our past we then have to do the same for ourselves. Forgive yourselves for the mistakes you made along the way. In doing so learn from them and watch how you grow! As we start to grow we come to understand that as a person regardless of what others may think of us we are enough just the way we are, no excuses, no justifications and very definitely no apologies for being who we are.
When we accept ourselves it brings with it an increase in confidence and the self esteem to enable us to have the courage of our convictions. We no longer feel the need to be a people pleaser at the expense of our own self worth. We come to know that we can and should stand up for ourselves and we come to understand that we don’t have to succumb to abusive, manipulative or emotionally and mentally draining people ever again!
It’s not an easy journey and there’ll be days when we feel lost or hopeless and panic will set in as we fear a return to our previous negative, unhealthy or destructive ways but that’s OK we’re human. It’s not realistic to expect ourselves to be perfect. On occasion when this happens and it will, forgive yourself, draw a line under it and look to tomorrow because it is not only another day, it’s the first day of the rest of your life.
Your new life and if you’ve reached that point you really will have made it.
Is it worth it? Yes it is!
There are massive steps along the road to making it but they are so worth it, especially as we feel our resolve grow ever stronger.
The hard work, the trauma, the emotional and mental upset, all of it pales into insignificance when you suddenly understand, probably for the first time you’re living life to the full on your own terms, comfortable in your own skin and despite everything that has happened along the way you realise that not only are you grateful to be so, you no longer feel guilty because;
You MAY have wished for it, you MAY have wanted it but you MADE it happen
YOU MADE IT!
It’s okay to be sad!!
Sadness just as much as any other emotion is and indeed should be equally as valid as any other; happiness, anger, jealousy and joy and as such it’s OK to be sad as and when we feel the need
Yet the fear of what others think or say about us often cause us to pretend otherwise because we don’t want to worry them. We don’t want them to think we’re weak or can’t cope for instance or worse that we’re an attention seeking drama queen!
But life isn’t a performance!
However pretending to be OK when you feel like you’re falling apart is. It isn’t your job to smile or hide your authentic truth purely to serve to make other people feel more comfortable
So if things become awkward let them
It’s not okay for others to undermine or gloss over your feelings, to try to silence your pain by telling you to get over it or cheer up because you’re no longer fun to be around. They like you need to understand that you are perfectly imperfect and as such are entitled to have times when you no longer wish or need to perform for anyone’s benefit except yours
There’s no need to push away your sadness
You should always honour your feelings and understand that you don’t need permission, approval or validation to feel what you feel and more importantly is very, very real
Self care is important and we should never neglect it for the sake of others. Especially those who may only want you around when it’s easy & comfortable. Their discomfort isn’t about you, it’s about them, their limitations and their own issues
No matter what they think or say, you should always to give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you feel.
You’re allowed to show your feelings honestly.
You’re allowed to talk about your pain and reach out for support if you feel you need it.
You’re allowed to scream and wail and cry.
After all there’s a saying ‘it’s better out than in’ meaning in terms of our mental health that the sooner we acknowledge, accept and validate our emotions then the sooner we can work through them and let them go having learned what we need to from the experience
On a personal level recently as a family we had (and in some instances continue) to deal with some pretty traumatic circumstances each one which in their own right were enough to cope with on any given day but when combined, served on several occasions to almost completely derail our day to day lives and yet from my perspective they didn’t (though to be honest it came close at times) because I’m human and I now understand that as such we have the power of choice
Let me explain what I mean …
Just a few short years ago the stress of the chaos unfolding around us, let alone my highly charged emotional state caused by recent situations would’ve been enough to see me heading for a bottle or 4 of wine per day just to keep on an even keel in terms of ‘keeping it all together’. Anyway despite the emotions, chaos and drama which has continued to plague us these last few months and without burdening you with the finer detail, I’m happy to report that I’m still well and truly sober. YAAAAY!
Yet there have been several times where I’ve been so sad, so overwhelmed and so bloody frustrated I thought I would implode!
Why am I telling you this?
That’s easy because as I’ve pointed out previously life isn’t a performance and I know that now, but the old me?
The old me would’ve carried on stoically, pretending to the world and his father that everything, including me was fine. That I was despite everything happy. That I could cope and that they didn’t need to worry about me. All true – in the story in my head – and which was one of the reasons my life previously took the turn it did
The new me (I’m still very much a work in progress mind) knows better, so very much better and these days…
If I’m sad or overly emotional? I let it out. I sob, I cry and most importantly I’m getting better at doing it
If I’m angry? I let it out. Even (and I have) if I have to go outside and scream at the moon and trust me on this when we release our anger healthily we instantly begin to feel better!
If I feel overwhelmed, hurt or confused? I let it out. I work through those feelings as best, as soon and as thoroughly as I can. Writing everything down is a good venting strategy as well as the more obvious one of talking it through with someone who’s not only supportive but objective (for my part thank you, you know who you are) and whilst ALL of the above and more constitute the menu which is sadness, they by the same token are all of them much easier to overcome, move through and grow from when we deal with them head on and don’t bury them, along with our heads in the sand.
But Do You Know What?
When we allow ourselves to feel, truly feel our emotions and at the same time allow those around us who matter; partners, family, friends etc, to see it then we very importantly take the first all important step in allowing ourselves to be seen to be vulnerable.
It’s not easy. It’s scary and it hurts like hell and is why allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is something that many of us (mental health issues aside) find difficult because in doing so we’re also allowing others to see that not only is everything not well in our world but moreover the picture we’ve painted for them of our being ‘superwoman/man’ is a myth
Guess What? – They Already Knew That!
No one is perfect but often the pictures we paint, the facades we build to protect ourselves from too close a scrutiny by others can be. This does both us and those we care for a disservice. Simply because in our determination to be seen to be constantly happy or always able to cope, we take away their choice in the matter and in doing so deem them either not able to cope with our weaknesses (for fear of upsetting them) or have unfairly decided that they wouldn’t care, have time or be interested if we did
The thing is, that’s not our call to make, it’s theirs!
Five years or more ago I made that same decision. The one to shield those I love and they me, from my pain and sadness. It’s one of the few things I regret today because in trying to shield them I certainly took away their choice.
The choice as to whether or not they would simply watch as I imploded or step up and help me to recover and live if they wanted or were able to
But that choice would have been theirs to make not mine
So is it OK to be sad, angry, upset and emotional especially without worrying about what others will think, say or feel about you?
YES because …
As Dr Seuss so succinctly put it ‘Those who matter don’t mind whereas those who mind don’t matter’!!
So…It is okay to be sad!! – AGREED?
Sue Curr is a Speaker, Empowerment Coach & Writer who in combining her professional background with her own significant journey along lifes loneliest of roads that of Mental Ill Health & Addiction today serves to enable others to see and understand that whoever and whatever we are?
What would you do if you weren’t afraid?
Did you grow up always trying to please others, searching for approval & the need for validation from others & learn to live your life ‘certain’ in the knowledge that were you ‘stupid enough’ to not only have but enforce boundaries with regard to your own life & that by doing so then others wouldn’t, or worse still stop loving you?
If you did I can pretty much say that for you like me life became a vicious cycle of wrestling to cater for your own needs & wants as well as servicing those of others and as such you will have lived anything but a fearless life
I’ve learned many things over the course of my life
However one thing has remained constant & that simply put is this we are ALL of using fighting our own battles & demons on many levels, BUT so are those we are both surrounded by & hold dear. When we are so close that we can’t see the wood for the trees and should one, if not both of us be prepared to see the other side then we get into difficulties.
But there also ALWAYS comes a point when BOTH sides have no choice other than to take responsibility for their part in the problem….
Being brutally honest I’ve learned that in having grown up being a people pleaser & being afraid to set & reinforce boundaries for others in my life, that I had inadvertently become the root cause of the problem!
GUILTY AS CHARGED!
But even so there comes a point in any situation when no matter how much we love, how much we give, how much we ignore, how much we hope that things will change for the better they NEVER will if the all important factor of RESPECT is missing!
But you can be certain of one thing
People can & do get the emotions of LOVE & RESPECT mixed and yet nothing will ever change in a relationship unless both sides both understand and embrace the difference
This is a monumental mistake & the crux of many a failed relationship…husband & wife, father & mother, mother & daughter, the list my friends is endless.
In my humble opinion to love & be loved unconditionally is the greatest gift we will ever be able to give or receive because it comes freely, without strings & by definition without condition.
Respect on the other hand is a privilege. One to be earned, gained if you will & borne on the back of many things and for sure my boundaries & yours will be as different as our fingerprints. Much like the boundaries themselves the reasons others will respect/disrespect us or themselves are equally as varied.
The one thing that people forget is that if a boundary is important enough for someone to set it then it is important enough for the rest of us to respect it.
Whether or not we believe it to be a valid boundary is totally irrelevant.
The problem begins when boundaries & respect become inextricably intertwined with love.
How many times have we heard or even said & moreover believed scenarios such as:
‘If she loved me she wouldn’t ask me to do that”…!
”Whether he loves me or not he should respect my boundaries’…!
Only you can decide if either or both of these generalisations are true and only you can decide whether or not you will put up with either or both of the consequences of them with regard to your own situation BUT for me at least & being brutally honest here…
If someone loves us unconditionally then we don’t have to honour & respect their boundaries – WRONG!
If we truly love someone enough then we will provide them with the boundaries they need. Ones which will help & enable them to thrive & grow in this life, Ones which will allow them to live & learn & grow into someone who they CAN both love & respect themselves in order to enable others t do the same.
If those we love & care for fall into the category of being someone who, no matter how hard you try, how much you give & how much you love continually & habitually not only ignore your boundaries but in doing so totally disrespect them & even go out of their way to cross them?
Then you/we will reach a point where we have to decided what we are prepared to accept & equally what we are not prepared to accept…As Eckhart Tolle so rightly said in any situation;
If you need to change it then do. If you can’t change it then you need to accept it for what it is. If you can’t accept it then it’s time to leave for all else is madness.
There are givers & there are takers in this life and yes there are those who successfully manage both but the question is how much of YOUR LIFE are you prepared to gift to someone who is unwilling or unable to at least meet you half way??
We ALL have limits and on a day where they have been reached the question is will you choose to let them become part of the solution or exacerbate the problem?
Again only time will tell but if like me you have reached a cross roads in your emotional life then maybe it’s time to start a daily practice of self-validation and tell yourself this…
Today I honour myself ENOUGH to take a chance that by being willing to enforce my boundaries then those I love and care for will not only LOVE me but RESPECT my boundaries as well
And after 57 years on this planet as hard as it is and will continue to be? It’s a chance that I am FINALLY willing to take because like you & everyone else on this 3rd rock from the sun know that much like my boundaries …
I MATTER! I AM ENOUGH!
FACT – Tomorrow is the youngest you will ever be but it’s also the first day of the rest of your life!
Life itself is the singular thing we all have in common. However having said that there are only actually two things which for sure will happen to us all.
We will be born. We will die.
Stark but nevertheless completely true.
Equally true is the fact that many of us do actually treat the experience that is life as something that just happens to us. We all too easily lose sight of the fact that it is actually a journey. Each day, for each of us is completely unique and thus our journey in turn becomes as individual as we are and in all honesty most of us never even consider that it is our choices along the way which make it so.
New Year is largely the time we actively upon the previous 365 days or so and vow to do things differently, better or not at all. It’s also the time when we invariably blame work, stress, the actions of others, lack of time, money or both as an excuse for anything which we determine as having been a mistake, failure or lack of opportunity etc.
By making our New Year ‘resolutions’ we acknowledge the need for change yet many of us steadfastly refuse to own our journey of the previous year by taking responsibility for the part we played in the areas we ourselves deemed worthy of change and rarely ever consider the fact that just one simple act could have provided us with the result…a different, better result…that yet again we are setting our sights on achieving in the coming year.
But why are we waiting? In doing so we are wasting time, our oh so valuable time – which once spent can NEVER be regained?
It doesn’t have to be like that because the amazing thing is, we all of us have the power of CHOICE!
It is after all the most basic of our rights as humans. We can if we so choose be compliant and ‘allow’ life to happen to us or we can become proactive and choose to be the architect of our own journey and subsequently our destiny.
I would urge that you give some thought to the gift which is your life and the like of which you will not receive again. As you go through your day today, tomorrow, the next day pay attention, be mindful if you will as to the number of choices you will actually get to make during it’s course. In addition to the those you would make automatically – what to eat, wear, do etc, concentrate on each moment as it occurs and realise that everything in life is indeed a choice.
Positivity. Negativity. Gratitude. Happiness. Anger. Guilt…all of it
Choices which in turn have the power to alter your life for the better or worse. Any given point on your journey through life is in direct correlation to your words, actions and attitude. Moreover it is you alone who are responsible for both them and the results they bring to bear EVERY DAY not just at New Year.
For instance there are those among us who will say ‘Oh no it’s not my fault because…’ and try to shift the blame onto someone or something else thus absolving themselves of the responsibility. Now although this could be very true the key here is that others are the ones who have to take responsibility for their actions. You on the other hand must take responsibility for your reaction to the situation/ feeling they created. You have the power to allow or disallow how anything impacts upon you including the decisions about your life which you may or indeed may not make (which incidentally is indeed a decision in & of itself!).
You can choose and it is this choice alone which will dictate whether you are compliant in or the author of your life’s story as it unfolds!
So having urged you to be mindful as you go about your day tomorrow, next week & in the coming year I ask you to consider the possibility that up until now you have inadvertently become compliant in allowing your life to just happen to you.
As we move into 2017 keep in mind that although January 1st is indeed the first day of the year, it’s also the first day of the rest of your life, as is the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and so on. By all means mark New Year by resolving to do things differently if you feel the need, but if you are someone who is set to mark December 31st by stringing together a list of resolutions or promises to yourself that things will change and next year will be different, remember that you do not and never have had to wait to make the choice to change either you or your life for the better.
You will never be younger than you are on any given day so stop allowing our old friend procrastination to steal not only time but your dreams & goals. Make daily choices which will better enable you to live the life you wish to lead.
A life that you can live with passion and purpose, on your own terms, in your own way without ever having to apologize, explain, excuse or justify yourself OR that you have to use the acceptable time stamp of a New Years Eve as a smokescreen for doing so ever again.
So here’s wishing You EVERYTHING you wish yourself & more for 2017 & beyond BUT don’t make the mistake of putting off until New Year what you CAN DO TODAY – Remember procrastination may well be the thief of time BUT he always very generously leaves a calling card by way of thanks – the gift of REGRET!
As Walt Disney famously said – If you want something enough you will find a way to make it happen. If you don’t? You’ll make excuses!
Ten years from now I can promise you this you may regret some things you did do BUT YOU WILL ALWAYS regret those that you didn’t!
Why not make a decision TODAY that whatever it is that is preventing you from living the reality of your dreams you’ll face it head on and begin to Fear LESS & LIVE More?
Namaste – Sue
Sue Curr is an Empowerment Coach, Speaker & Author who enables others to Fear LESS & LIVE More Bespoke Program . If you or someone you know would benefit from addressing & dis-empowering the effect FEAR has on your life you can connect with Sue at suecurr,com or email her directly at email@example.com
This post for me shows such an enlightened, open & honesty fuelled perspective on this extremely emotive subject & it needs to be seen. I say it often but…at the end of the day we do all of us have to take responsibility both for what we do & think because until we do not much will change for the better in this wonderfully diverse world of ours
I am a white american male. I’m married to a beautiful blond-haired green-eyed woman and have two amazing blond-haired blue-eyed boys. I was a blond-haired blue-eyed child who grew up in suburban New Jersey in a solid family with a mother, a father, a brother and two dogs. I lived a life marked by opportunity and forgiveness; and while I may not have always had “much”, I have always had the benefit of the doubt. I was raised to treat everyone equally, regardless of race, or any other demographic for that matter. And while my town may have been predominantly white, I certainly didn’t grow up isolated from other races and cultures. But even with the upbringing and exposure I was blessed with, I’m probably still a racist. I don’t mean racist like a hate filled bigot who dehumanizes and devalues the lives of others based on skin color. I…
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Life Can Be Overwhelming For Sure
But it doesn’t have to be & it doesn’t necessarily always have negative implications, for instance you can be overcome with gratitude or in-undated with good wishes in all manner of happy circumstances.
In day to day life it becomes problematical when we realize we don’t have the time to do the things we need or are expected to do and before we know it we’re gripped by the ‘not enough hours in a day syndrome’ accompanied by full-blown anxiety often bordering on panic as we strive to fulfill our obligations on time.
Obviously everyone’s different but most of us have reached the point of feeling lost because we’re totally overwhelmed as life unfolds haphazardly around us and we struggle to successfully balance children, finances and career etc because we don’t have the time, the energy or the strategies needed to bring order to the chaos and strike a balance.
If you reach this point it’s seriously time to take stock & reassess how & why this is happening and declare…
That said where do we begin redressing the balance & ow on earth do we make a start?
As an intelligent species we’re aware that the amount of time we have in a day is finite and as such how much we can realistically expect to accomplish during its course.
We can start by reminding ourselves of the two major components of the concept of time management – the prioritization & duration of everything we need to do within a given time. If we aren’t doing this consistently we are essentially sending an open invitation for chaos to become a staple part of our life.
It’s a fact of modern-day life that if we’re not mindful we hit the floor running every morning with a seemingly endless array of things to get done; work and/or educational commitments, household chores, family issues, medical appointments, grocery shopping to mention just the obvious and that’s without factoring the all important daily chunk of ‘me’ time we should have but which in reality is usually the first casualty in our efforts to get everything done.
We don’t look at the bigger picture before committing to something and for those of us who can always be relied upon to say yes when no would be the most sensible and appropriate answer the slippery slope to overwhelm becomes self-perpetuating unless we learn and quickly to apply the brakes.
Firstly acknowledge the absolute fact that the currency of time just like every other commodity is limited…whilst we will all experience widely differing overall lengths of time here on planet earth, on a day to day basis we are all afforded the same amount;
24 hours. 1440 minutes or 86,400 seconds to be precise!
Having taken this small yet massively important reality check what next? Well simply put it’s time to prioritize yourself & your time every day, preferably in advance. In itself this will naturally lead you to addressing your organizational skills or lack thereof given that you’re feeling overwhelmed but you’ll very quickly become amazed by just how much you can achieve when you set your mind to it…after all there’s a reason it’s called a mindset.
As a younger person my grandmother would often remind me that by failing to plan I was planning to fail and speaking as someone who perceives failure as nothing more than an invitation to find another way to make something work I took her point to heart and learned how to plan!
So it’s time to set yourself up for success!
When planning your day, week, month or even further ahead remember to be realistic and cut yourself some slack. You have 24 hours in a day, assuming that you get your average 8 hours of sleep, you instantly know you have 16 solid hours to achieve everything you realistically can (don’t forget to eat)…note that doesn’t read everything you should or even want to do.
Start by being strict with yourself & others when it comes to planning what you want to achieve in those 16 hours & always factor in the chunks of time that are non-negotiable each day: time to eat, sleep & work for example.
When we bring structure to our days we are giving ourselves the best opportunity to achieve the results we want. Here are:
7 Simple Steps to Remember if You’re Overwhelmed
- Look at your list in detail and then sub divide it into area specific tasks – work, household, personal & family
- Take each area individually and prioritize its list whilst at the same time removing from it anything which can reasonably be done at a later date
- Cross reference and link any task which could apply to more than one area and decide which is its area of most importance thus removing it from the other
- Form one new list and prioritize in order of importance the things you have to do in total within the time you have available
- You will inevitably be served a curved ball by way of unexpected occurrences – A call to pick a sick child up from school – where possible advise anyone else that having to do this will affect
- You may not be able to achieve certain things on your list due to circumstances beyond your control – Receiving an out of office until…auto res-ponder – instantly begin a list for the date of is return
- Even with forethought certain things may take longer than anticipated meaning that you may fall behind – Remember you may be able to buy time due to being unable to achieve other things
With a much reduced ‘to do’ list in front of you the things you need to do will seem far more achievable and as a result you will feel less pressured. At this point take a further reality check and having acknowledged that your day is infinitely more manageable than you initially thought also acknowledge that
Remember that you need to acknowledge and accept that you can control the things which you are able to do but you cannot control the actions, reactions or otherwise of others which may serve to derail your best laid of plans.
By understanding that for any number of reasons beyond your control you may well reach the end of your day with things left undone and that’s not only ok it’s totally acceptable, you are in essence giving yourself permission to start afresh the following day with renewed focus and determination.
Have an awesome day whatever you’ve planned and remember Superman is a comic book hero and mere mortals like you and me have to make do without the use of superpowers to help us because we’re….
If you or someone you know would like to know more about how to bring order to the chaos in your life then I invite you to reach out & connect with me to Schedule a FREE, no obligation 30 Minute Strategic Discovery Call to not only start you on the road to finally creating the reality you dream about but should you choose to, explore the ways in which I can further enable you to do so CLICK HERE >>>>>‘Empower You To Have The Courage To Be Who You Really Are’
The practice of gratitude as a tool for happiness has for many been popular for years and is becoming widely accepted by increasing numbers of people who have witnessed firsthand the beneficial changes the act of being grateful has brought into their lives. Indeed, long-term studies support gratitude’s effectiveness, suggesting that a positive, appreciative attitude contributes to greater success in work, greater health, peak performance in sports and business, a higher sense of well-being, and even a faster rate of recovery from surgery.
But while we may acknowledge gratitude’s many benefits, it still can be difficult to sustain. So many of us are programmed to notice what is broken, undone or lacking in our lives. In order for gratitude to meet its full healing potential it needs to become more than just a word we pay lip service to. We have to learn a new way of looking at things and begin to think differently in order to create the shift needed in our mindset to facilitate the long-lasting and sustainable change it takes to establish it not only as a new habit but a way of life and that can take time.
That’s why actively practicing gratitude makes so much sense. When we practice giving thanks for all we have, instead of complaining about what we lack, we give ourselves the chance to see all of life, everything; the good, the bad & the indifferent as both the opportunities & blessings that they truly are.
However, it’s important to remember that gratitude isn’t a blindly optimistic approach in which the bad things in life are whitewashed or ignored. It’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention. Pain and injustice exist in this world without a shadow of a doubt but when we learn to focus on the gifts of life, we gain an often previously unfelt sense of well-being because gratitude in and of itself helps to restore balance and gives us hope.
What’s on your list?
For me true wealth lies in life’s intangibles and on a daily basis if we choose to see them there are many things to be grateful for: the beauty of a sunrise or sunset, colorful autumn leaves, legs that work, friends who listen and really hear, waves crashing on the shoreline, chocolate, fresh eggs, warm jackets, tomatoes, the ability to read, the unbridled laughter of children, our health, butterflies………………
5 Ways to Start You On the Road to Practicing Gratitude
- Keep a gratitude journal and establish a routine where you spend just 5 minutes of every single day (for me bedtime is the ideal time) and write down as many things you can for which you are grateful AND why. It doesn’t matter what or why. It doesn’t have to be anything other than something – anything – which has/does cause you to feel grateful in some way…there are no limits & trust me when I say that in ‘giving voice’ to your gratitude in this way you will very quickly come to realize just how much you truly have to be grateful for
- Make a gratitude collage; paste, copy, stick, draw again it doesn’t matter how you do it, just that you give it a try. How amazing would it be whenever you feel sad, upset or miserable say to be able to glance at a visual reminder of all that you have to be grateful for. Think about it you glance over & in one spot you instantly see images of your kids, better half, a sunrise, next/last year’s holiday destination maybe even a picture of yourself before & after a life altering experience (losing 100lb in weight for example) ANYTHING for which you’re grateful. How would that make you feel, how powerful would that be in lifting your mood?
- Practice gratitude ACTIVELY at every opportunity. When we make a conscious effort to be thankful by showing others that we appreciate them on a daily basis the world around us responds in kind. The most obvious example of this would simply be the act of showing your appreciation by actually saying thank you be that verbally, by text, a nice card or even sending a small gift as a token for something that others have done and not even necessarily for you.
- Instigate a gratitude challenge. When you or those around you start complaining about something challenge yourself or them to find the hidden positive, blessing if you will no matter the situation. It’s not always easy but it is possible, remember it’s a simple law of physics that for every negative there is an equal and opposite reaction. Given time and practice you’ll be amazed at how better you start to feel.
- Take time and be mindful of how being grateful impacts positively on your life. Notice how your attitude and that of those around you change for the better. Concentrate on living fully in the present and notice how deeply grateful you are becoming for even the most mundane of things which have previously gone unnoticed and then celebrate the new improved reality which will begin to unfold around you.
When we make a conscious choice, because like everything it is a choice, to make practicing gratitude a way of living an inner shift begins to occur and you may be delighted to discover how content, realigned, more focused & fulfilled you begin to feel and which has the most profound of effects in every area of our lives be that home, personal, relationships & careers and that sense of fulfillment my friends is:
GRATITUDE AT WORK!
To find out more about making long-lasting, sustainable positive changes in your life I invite you to take the first step & connect with me to claim your FREE Strategic Discovery Call
Not for you? That’s great but should you know of someone who would benefit by reaching their full potential please feel free to pass the invite along.
‘Empowering You To Have The Courage To Be Who You Really Are”! suecurr.com
I can be reached via: Email – firstname.lastname@example.org
Absolutely EVERY child enters this world as a blank canvas…if you are keeping them safe & healthy, warm & fed then you are doing a fantastic job BUT as far as possible you need to allow them to become the architects, the artists & the authors of their own story…the best teachers DON’T tell their students what to do they empower them to find the answers out for themselves thereby learning & growing…parenting should be the same.
I’ve often come across situations where almost without it registering parents & carers having welcomed a new young life into their world automatically & literally assume total control over their lives. Obviously it goes without saying that from birth our children need us to feed, bathe, clothe & keep them safe but what many fail to recognise is that, that particular window of opportunity very quickly passes & almost certainly by the time they reach the ‘terrible twos’. That most trying of times when the almost constant daily grind of the battle of wills commence and the seemingly relentless round of uncontrollable tantrums takes hold. With hindsight & experience it’s easy to say to parents in this situation that they could and indeed should start picking their battles from this point on. Not always easy within the confines of time restraints, work life balance etc but something to be mindful of every single day otherwise the next 16 years or so is going to seem like a very long time!
The key thing to remember always is that whilst we have a duty of care to & for our children, they are not ours to own. They like us were/are born with the inherent power of free will and this is where things can if we’re not very careful quickly come unstuck. As log as we are meeting their every basic right; to be healthy & safe, to thrive & grow, to be educated & reach their full potential. Then we are fulfilling not only their needs & basic human rights but also the most important role in the world that of being a responsible parent
It’s pertinent to point out at this point that everyone has potential and for every single one of us young or old it is different. After all Einstein has been credited as saying;
”Everyone is a genius but if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing it is stupid”
As responsible adults we owe it to our young people to do as the best of our teachers do and lead our children to knowledge by letting them figure out the answers for themselves. We are making the gravest of mistakes for both them and ourselves if we try & raise them with the outdated archaic means of education which most of us (and I’m mindful here that I’m probably of a different generation to most of you) had to endure, that of the, totally inflexible rigid, uniform, one size fits all attitude which serves only to shoehorn square pegs into round holes and is a recipe for not only heartache but for rearing frustrated, disillusioned, disenfranchised youngsters, many of whom spontaneously stop trying to achieve because they perceive themselves to be lacking & unlikely to succeed which becomes self-perpetuating when they prove their own point by doing just that.
Now bearing in mind that as parents & carers we have usually had 2 or 3 years these days before formal schooling & the process of education begins in earnest, think about how different the lives of many youngsters would be if they had the amazing opportunity to learn by discovering things for themselves. I’m not talking quantum physics here mind, just the unbridled joy of say successfully dressing themselves for the first time…despite the fact that nothing matches, is on back to front or they’re wearing swimmers in February!
The fact that they have not only been allowed but encouraged to figure something out for themselves and were suitably praised and rewarded for doing a good job (regardless of the outcome) ticks all the boxes for raising balanced, inquisitive, successful, well-balanced & happy children. These first learning experiences, the ones we’ve all had, where regardless of the outcome you’ve had or given overenthusiastic praise, high fives and the like are the most important ones we will ever have simply because they begin laying the solid foundations we should all be given the opportunity of having, that of believing that anything is possible if we try!
Our children are but a gift, one which we should nurture & watch grow so that we can let go successfully when the time comes for them to set out into the world in their own right.
Making sure our young people can do that with purpose & passion, secure in not only our love for & support of them but of themselves & their own capabilities is paramount because they like us need to be empowered to understand that they can be who they really want to be, safe in the certain knowledge that whatever their lifestyle choices they make as they journey through life then they can always be sure of our unconditional love.
Does this mean that we have to agree with or like the choices they will come to make?
Absolutely not because simply put even though they will always be our children, once they reach the age of being able to understand & accept the responsibility for the consequences of the choices they make, then we have to relinquish any need to control what they are doing and trust that everything will turn out as it’s meant to be…whether we like it or not.
If you remember nothing else when dealing with young people whether it be as a parent or an educator remember just this;
We are all perfect simply by being our imperfect selves and age has no bearing on that.